Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have already put on my inside pants.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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