I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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