The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
do herpes really smell.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
