shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
