how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
