Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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