Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
