After last night, I could never be a politician.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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