We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
