I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Church boner. Awkwardddd
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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