i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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