Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
