when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
