If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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