I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
