so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm bleeding and have questions
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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