No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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