# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
