Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
