i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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