jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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