Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
