My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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