U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
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Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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