Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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