So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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