Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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