that's an acceptable place to lick
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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