this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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