So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
