I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
