just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
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The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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