A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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