Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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