Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
