You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
