it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
