If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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