I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
