here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
