we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
