____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Mom said you looked used
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
