I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
