TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
did i just pee glitter
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
