One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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