Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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