Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
