kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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