I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
