It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
pray to the hookup gods
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
