My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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