Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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