Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
