Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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