Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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