Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I met the friendliest cop last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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