who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
