Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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