I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
