I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
