I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
