The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
