he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
