I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
