I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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