I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
