If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
