maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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