Already got asked if we're dating
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.