im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.