I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean