i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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