Texts From Last Night

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  (309): View more from Illinois

  $35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.

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  (309): $35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively. http://tfl.nu/sa2o
  Replies (6) Good night (1314) Bad night (573)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I don't get it.

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Me neither.

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  But I masturbated to it anyway.

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  (870): I don't get it. (501): Me neither. (501): But I masturbated to it anyway. http://tfl.nu/tklr
  Replies (23) Good night (2179) Bad night (744)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.

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  (828): I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995. http://tfl.nu/siku
  Replies (17) Good night (2666) Bad night (695)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.

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  (978): your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop. http://tfl.nu/x1i9
  Replies (12) Good night (5344) Bad night (964)
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  (707): View more from California

  He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.

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  (707): He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk. http://tfl.nu/vg98
  Replies (18) Good night (883) Bad night (5864)
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  (631): View more from New York

  You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.

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  (631): You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it. http://tfl.nu/dj6o
  Replies (19) Good night (2244) Bad night (6618)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"

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  (202): All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad" http://tfl.nu/wm4r
  Replies (3) Good night (656) Bad night (1603)
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  (661): View more from California

  He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!

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  (661): He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth! http://tfl.nu/q4tp
  Replies (23) Good night (2491) Bad night (1276)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.

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  (239): I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life. http://tfl.nu/rpst
  Replies (1) Good night (1214) Bad night (620)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording

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  (802): i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording http://tfl.nu/qw8w
  Replies (7) Good night (1873) Bad night (550)
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  (916): View more from California

  Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.

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  (916): Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again. http://tfl.nu/rten
  Replies (8) Good night (1348) Bad night (583)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.

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  (505): He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink. http://tfl.nu/5ult
  Replies (4) Good night (807) Bad night (425)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.

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  (330): Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants. http://tfl.nu/3hnq
  Replies (6) Good night (413) Bad night (1126)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido

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  (214): I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido http://tfl.nu/vkd6
  Replies (4) Good night (683) Bad night (284)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like

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  (843): Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like http://tfl.nu/wow5
  Replies (3) Good night (316) Bad night (288)

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