So drunk its hurt
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
