My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize