i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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