i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
