i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude i'm inner monologue high
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
